~NoizeFetish

I've spent a long time trying to figure out why human beings try so hard to build relationships with people that either don't deserve it, push them away, treat them like crap, etc etc or all of the above. We waste our time wanting what we can't have, when things that maybe are better for us and can have are right in front of our faces. but yet we still do it. Why? How is it bettering our lives? What is the allure of these things that hurt us and drive us crazy?
I want to give up. I want to will all these feelings away. I don't want to feel this dependency on someone so ruined and hurtful to me. But I can't stop. I can't stop the feelings from welling up inside me every time we talk. Every time I think about what happened, what is happening.
I've spent so many years chasing the wrong things, looking to the wrong people for love and support. I've spent so much time crying, so much time living in a cloud of depression for these people. For the world. One day I will end all this. I will stop chasing what hurts me. I hope for my own safety and mental health that day comes very soon. Otherwise I think I may end up in a bad place.
I want to stop feeling this way for you. I want to stop hurting myself for you. I want to stop crying for you.


I want to stop feeling at all.